do I really want to do this?

 testing testing... are you still there?  are you still here?  am i still here?  what is even happening?

found

...told the story without a filter and the insides exploded with the realization that sometimes things are hidden so well that we forget where they have been put and what they mean(t).

I found it.
I didn't like it.

...sigh.... I'm gonna fix it.

Transfiguration: a gift and a curse.

knowledge wisdom.equality.knowledge knowledge

...it's been a while.  Blogging left a bad taste in my mouth.  Social media in general.  I think we walk a fine like between sharing and exploiting.  More on that later (if I feel like exploiting)....for now we're healing and about to burst with words, so full.

I have shit I wanna talk about.  So, let us write a list.

• Holy & Righteous: ...'tis the season of Black and Vegan.
• Science: Jin & Qi (mis) understanding energy.
• Transfiguration: a gift and a curse. 
• Confounding the commoners (business as usual).

it's Fall y'all... almost Winter really, and it's a time for reflection.  For clarity's sake, I say that as a farmer and not a metaphysician.  I spend a whole lotta time in my head.  My close peeps will tell you that I will (and DO) cut folk off mid-sentence with a random interjection, which is obviously a confession of my lack of interest or my lack of attention span (I do have guilt around it, if anyone was wondering). What I mean to say is, I'm gonna resume blogging because well, I need to get it out of my body, the commoners are not so fun to talk to and my philosophical/academic/alike family has better shit to do than listen to me ramble and therapuetize.

FYI for folks who may still follow this blog (it's been a long time) ... things have changed a bit, am a bit less filtered, and really enjoy expletives as descriptive words and for emphasis.  The filter has thinned a lot and the story remains.

.....be back sooner

faa

answer to a query...

Warm currents are warm currents...

I think our Todays are more 'complicated' than our Yesterday's... the more we know, the more we know to look for (good and bad) and maybe the more brilliant we are, the more severe the polarity of our shadows... I mean however great someone appears, their secrets will be that much more dark and harrowing.

...it may not be truth, just me pondering the fuckery of humanity...

I know some amazing people and the above statement seems true enough when I am thinking of them. I don't have an issue with people being as fucked up as they are amazing, I would just ask that everyone be honest about who they are.

In regards to whether or no I feel more or less fortunate to be 'without' a life partner... it would depend on the day. When my sisters are calling me in tears/rage/pain I feel grateful to be without. On other days when I let my mind wander outside of dutiful obligation and the days work, I might find some solace in a daydream about the Sun...

I dunno. I'm open to new adventures, but I don't know if I can promise "forever" to anyone... that seems unrealistic. Fa'eva? Fa'eva eva? That sounds like more time than is wise to promise...

keep

giving gifts in preparation for
greatness when the sun is high

masculine innerG's guide me to
self
actualization

i love u

...just one kiss?
it's a healthy obsession with
God
who(mmmmm) i make out with
in the ethers
whenever I c him.

spirit watches cerebral
wanting the physical...

How u B?

Blissed
How u Bee?
(he knows I am the bee)

walking wit Blissed.

lost & found

temperance and clarity
worst enemy, greatest teacher
& unconditional lover.

our antenna receive messages
faster than the speed of
light & sound.

love letters are
B sides
wrapped in inside
jokes.

..no really just one kiss
so I can decide if
this is god's breath
I'm tasting...

temperance & clarity
are always talking
to
righteousness & rememberance
it's so 5th dimension.

"poetry this is not..."
...says the pouty crabdragon to the tiger,
"it's just how i talk."

and so...

I'm still earth.....& an eccentric overbearing mother, ethereal utilitarian artist, student farmer, nutritionist wanna b, vegetable nerd, pot thrower, mud slinger, shit talker, sailor mouf', amber & coconut smellin, absythne drinking, tobacco lovin, vanilla flavored woman.

As the Earth (r)evolves.....I watch the sun rise and set (oh the metaphors abound today) the weather is very frequently wrong & I learn somethin about myself.

I learn somethin about you.
I learn somethin about my seeds.
I learn somethin about growing (children, myself, food, relationships)

...my LuvHer said “growth ain't always peaceful”... when I gave birth to each one of my children ...guess what...it Hurts... but when u see their faces and hold them in ur arms, its worth every single solitary excruciating last second of it. Spring wouldn't be so lovely if winter didn't make us wait and salt makes all the other flavors shine...and so the caterpillar emerges as a butterfly. Figure it out please.

I don't have judgment for your process but I do have judgment for your judgment.

Recent peeves include:
People who are crippled by their self pity or self loathing (and let me clarify that I have been that person)
Martyr-dumb (stop tryna save us!)
The i'm-so-worried-about-whether-or-not-your-validating-me-that-I-can't-see-the-value-in-my-work actor (I really don't like the show boat).

Recent joys include:
Beauty of depth perception and layers in our walking painting called vision.
Children and their wisdom which seems to expand far beyond what any of these righteous and holy books can ever reach.
The decision to use measurements that are appropriate to the equation. One cannot use the same formula for all things in life... therefore good and bad can vary based on the circumstance too.

And so...Did any of this get thru?